Lyrics: My life is
Album: You’ve gotto love those spandex
Artist: Jonny Dawson
 

Hi! My name is… (What?) My name is… (Who?)

My name is… Jonny Dawson
Hi! My name is…(huh?) My name is… (What?)
My name is… Jonny Dawson

Ahem… Excuse me!
Can I have the attention of the class
for one second?

Hi kids! Do you like violence? (Yeah, yeah, yeah!)
Wanna see me put Nine Inch knifes through each one of the queens eyelids? (Uh-huh!)
Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did? (Yeah, yeah!)
Marry an old hag, and fuck her up more than my life is? (Huh?)
My trains fucking late, I’m trying to get my head straight
but I can’t figure out which one of you I want to impregnate (Ummmm…)
And Dr. Drake said, ‘Jonny Dawson you’re a bastard!’
Uh-uhhh! ‘So where’s your dad then? Man you wasted!’
Well since age twelve, I’ve felt like Pissing people off
Cause I hung my brothers pants from the top window with a belt
Got pissed off and ripped Katie Price’s tits off
And kicked her so hard I knocked her clothes backwards like Kris Kross
I smoke a fat pound of cheese and fall on my ass
faster than you, you bitch when you sit down too fast
C’mere bitch! (Jonny, wait a minute, that’s a girl dog!)
I don’t give a fuck, God sent me to piss the world off!

Hi! My name is… (What?) My name is… (Who?)
My name is… Jonny Dawson
Hi! My name is…(huh?) My name is… (What?)
My name is… Jonny Dawson

My English teacher wanted to flunk me last week
Thanks a lot, next year I’ll be one and a five
I poked her in the face with a pencil, chased her with the table
and stapled some nuts to one of her fingers (Owwwwwwww!)
Walked into a strip-club, I was under age duh
Flashed the bartender, then put the camera in the tip cup

Stupid transsexuals, thinking they’re pedestrians
in a gay bar screaming at me: ‘WE CAN ALL BE FRIENDS’
About ninety percent of my life I was lied to
I’ve just found out my grandma was a German spy too, (DAMN!)
I told her I would find a fudge packer
Make a piss take of a record by one of those stupid blonde rappers (Oh fuck you)
You know pigeons blow up when you give them rice from your hands
And all the girls scream like they’re a bunch of Shady fans
So I decided to ask a random guy for an autograph
(Dude, can I have your autograph?)

So he signed it: ‘dear person, screw you, you pervert!’

Stop the tape! Michael wants a kid to play (Get him!)
Dr. Drake, don’t just stand there, Operate
I’m not ready to bleed; it’s too scary to die (Fuck that!)
I’ll have to be carried to my bedroom and swallow a fly
(Huh yup!) Am I coming or going, look another fly
I don’t like vodka, and I’m too young to drive (ha-ha)
All my life I’ve been very deprived
I ain’t had a girl for years, and my dicks too long to hide
I go through more clothes than the incredible hulk
I trip when I walk, I’ll annoy anything that walks (ok…)
When I was little I would get so big I would grow tits
‘HOW YOU GONNA FEED HIM HUN
HE’S GOT THE BLOODY SHITS! (BURB!!!!)
I lay awake and hit myself in the head
I get some leather straps and tie teddies to my bed (Zzzzzip)
I’m really mad (He-he-he-he)
Oh, and by the way when you see my dad? (Yeah…)
Tell him I’ve got brail all over my back.

Hi! My name is… (What?) My name is… (Who?)
My name is… Jonny Dawson
Hi! My name is…(huh?) My name is… (What?)
My name is… Jonny Dawson